Practicing Selflessness

I am an only child.  My parents did everything they could to provide me with a happy, prosperous life.  I had many privileges that I am forever grateful for.  Just to give you an example, my entire education was paid for, graduate school and all.  They even bought me a condo while in graduate school.  What was my graduation gift?  A brand new car.  Was I spoiled?  Most definitely.
My parents also made sure I remained humble.  I remember my mom saying multiple times: “If the house burned down and we lost everything, I’d still be happy if we all got out safe!”  And they also made me work hard.  My dad made me start working at age 15.  By age 16, I had 3 jobs.  How many 16 year-olds can say that?
This ethic of working hard has stuck with me.  I don’t have to work 2 jobs, but once I was settled in my career, I was actually getting bored and decided to take on another adventure.  Not for money, but just for fun and I enjoyed helping other women their fitness goals and increase their confidence.
I’m getting off topic here.   Back to my selfishness.
I’ve made exercise a priority in my life ever since I started exercising around 16 or 17.  I rarely took breaks.  I allowed myself one rest day a week, and that rest day usually consisted of walking on the treadmill instead of doing a full-out cardio or weight-lifting routine.  I rarely even allowed myself to feel “too tired” to exercise.  It just wasn’t an option, I had to exercise.  It was simply part of my daily routine just like showering or eating.  This should not be confused with an obsession.  When I was sick or under the weather, I rested.  And I only exercise for an hour.  But I make sure that hour is packed with as much power as possible.  No sitting around, no checking my email on my phone, just one solid hour of diligent cardio and weights.
But I am pregnant now.  I have a battle with myself daily to slow down.  Some days I know I can NOT be selfish.  If I feel I am too tired to exercise, I have to listen to my body. My mom has said multiple times: “Calm down…you’re growing a baby!”  Of course, once again, Mom is always right.  It still is extremely hard to allow myself to have extra weight around my chest and hips, but most of it is in my belly where it should be.  I keep reading things like: “At 19 weeks, your baby weighs almost a ½ pound.”  And I say to myself, why have gained 10 pounds?!  Once again, I hear my mom’s voice: “You’re growing a baby!”  I have 50% more blood volume and my uterus is now the size of a melon.  That’s why!

Back in the day, doctors preferred your heart rate to not go above 140 beats per minute.  And when I was in my first trimester, there were days when I climbed a flight of stairs and my heart rate was already at 120.  That’s crazy!  But the first trimester is a critical and fragile time where the baby is rapidly developing and takes a lot out of the mom.  Now that I am in my second trimester, my energy is back.  I try not to let my heart rate go above 170 and if it’s anywhere above 150, I don’t let it stay there for more than a few minutes.  So my hour-long workouts now require many rest breaks.  I tried to complete one of my 60 minute HIIT exercise routines that I did frequently prior to pregnancy.  It took me about an hour and a half because I had to rest so much to get my heart rate down.  I don’t have time for that, nor do I feel I need to continue to spend effort exercising.
I have to not be selfish anymore.   I have to be mindful of this growing being inside of me.  She comes first now.   And although there are moments of selfishness, there is something I am not: a slacker.  So what if I gain a little extra weight.  I know that when the time comes after my baby girl is here, I will be determined and back in the swing of my usual routine.